Breakups are inevitable:
In fact, everyone will experience a breakup or two at some
point in life—it's just part of the human experience. Breakups aren't always a
bad thing; they can be pivotal moments for learning and self-reflection,
helping us grow and better understand ourselves.
Emotional Mastery and Strength:
Breakups can carry the same grief one would experience
during the death of a close relative or friend. Healing after breakup is a
process, yet it is necessary to avoid carrying baggage into the next
relationship. Many people rush the healing process by jumping right away into a
new relationship. In doing so they never do the hard work needed to bring them
to a place of being fully healed. What they do not realize without healing even
if they were to find someone who holds similar values as they do, it will be
impossible for them to establish a healthy relationship with that new person.
You know you’re healed when you can go into a relationship
with a new person, with the eyes of someone who’s dating for the first time.
What I mean by this is that you're not seeing that new person through the eyes
of someone who has been hurt from previous relationships. You're seeing that
new person with pure eyes not holding them captive to the pain you’ve
experienced in the past. The opinion you have of them is based solely on your
experience with them.
Self-Reflection and Growth:
Identifying patterns
Self-reflection is crucial after a breakup, as it allows you
to fully process how you truly felt throughout the relationship. Often, while
in a relationship, people tend to overlook unhealthy patterns because they are
caught up in superficial aspects, like physical attraction or the excitement of
the moment. While physical attraction is important, character and shared values
are far more essential to sustaining a healthy, meaningful connection.
Look Beyond Potential: Embrace Reality in Relationships
Many people go into relationships thinking they can change
their partner for the better. The hard truth is, people rarely change just
because someone else wants them to. They might make small adjustments over
time, but who they are at the core stays the same. When someone shows you their
true colors the first time, believe them. Building a relationship on someone's
potential, hoping they’ll 'grow,' is a losing strategy.
You wouldn't buy a car with half the tires flat and expect
it to drive smoothly, so why enter a relationship where you're pulling all the
weight? Like a car with only two good tires, an unbalanced relationship is
destined to veer off course. You might make it a little way down the road, but
the strain of carrying more than your share will eventually wear you out. And
when that happens, you’ll be stuck with a broken-down situation, asking
yourself why you kept driving.
Relationships built on unbalanced effort lead to
frustration, resentment, and eventual breakdown. Just like a car engine
overloaded by stress, a relationship without equal contribution from both sides
will run itself into the ground. The cost? Your peace of mind, your time, and
your energy. In the end, the vehicle might reach its destination, but it’ll be
limping across the finish line at a heavy price.
The key is to start off on solid ground. Balance the load
from day one. Both partners need to carry their weight, bring the same level of
commitment, and have a clear understanding of each other's values. It’s not
about dragging someone along hoping they’ll catch up—it's about moving forward
together. Before you dive in, take the time to size up the situation. Get to
know who you're dealing with beyond surface-level attraction. Are they really
on the same page as you in terms of character, ambition, and values? Weigh your
options wisely so you don’t end up in the same dead-end situation with a
different person, repeating the same mistakes.
Evaluating Personal Goals, Values, and Future Relationship Desires
As you're going through a breakup use this time
to revisit your personal goals and values – thus setting a precedence for
future relationships.
Personal goals are important especially as they relate to
your destiny. If you’re serious about your destiny you will be cautious of who
you let close to you. You attract what you are and where you are. When you’re
heading in the direction of your destiny you will attract destiny helpers. Be a
person of purpose motivated by personal goals. Neglecting your personal goals
will only attract those eager to destroy your destiny.
If your goal is to build a solid family, establish
generational wealth, and positively impact the community around you, actively
work to build wisdom around these things. As you work towards these things you
will find yourself surrounded by people who share the like values.
Someone seeking wisdom on how to best build a solid family
foundation will likely value qualities such as loyalty, commitment, putting the
needs of their family ahead of their own personal happiness, and establishing a
household with unconditional love. They’ll lead with understanding, knowing
that love is established through understanding.
A person seeking to establish generational wealth will work
towards understanding the concepts of money, time, investing, seizing the day,
taking risks, and wisely managing money. They will take accountability for
their condition and lead in driving solutions to establish financial stability
for their family. Lack will never be in their household, for when perceived
shortage comes, they’ll always strive to make a way.
A person seeking to positively impact the community will
likely value embodying a sense of morals, shared sense of community, and
understanding that strong families lead to strong communities. Such a person
will be generous, charitable, humble, and less likely to be pretentious,
meaning they won’t take themselves too seriously.
When you set personal goals that align with your destiny you
will know what to look for. And when you know what to look for you won’t settle
for anything less. A scarcity mentality is what makes people desperate. They’re
too busy trying to find people from the environment they came from, to lift up,
rather than finding people at their destination who won’t bring them down. A
person who shares the same values as you will likely be in the sphere of where
you’re headed, your destination.
Always remember, attraction may bring two people together but aligned values are what keeps them together.
Use a breakup as an opportunity for personal development and
self-improvement. Instead of dwelling on the disappointment, see it as a chance
to grow into a stronger, more self-aware version of yourself. Breakups can
highlight areas where boundaries need to be set, communication can be improved,
or personal goals deserve more attention. By focusing on your own growth,
you’ll not only heal but also gain a clearer understanding of what you truly
want in a relationship.
As you work on yourself, you’ll start attracting people who
align with your values and goals. The connections that once seemed appealing
may no longer hold the same importance. Instead, you’ll find yourself drawn to
people who share your values, respect your journey, and are ready to build a
meaningful partnership.
Personal development also helps you raise your standards,
making you more intentional about the relationships you pursue. Over time, this
leads to healthier relationships based on mutual respect and shared values,
rather than fleeting or superficial connections. Ultimately, focusing on
self-improvement after a breakup helps you break old patterns and create space
for a relationship that truly complements your personal growth.
Healthy Communication and Closure:
In as much as you can try to maintain healthy communication
during a breakup. It's not always possible to end a relationship on positive
terms. You are only responsible for how you respond. Maintain peace and always
have pure intentions, despite how the other person may proceed.
During a breakup, the other person may become vindictive,
bitter, or resentful, sometimes resorting to smear campaigns and false claims -
all in the effort to further cause harm. However, do not engage in
negativity, spread rumors, or harbor bitterness. While you might feel the need
to defend yourself against such attacks, it's often not worth the effort, nor
is it constructive. When you understand that it's human nature for some people
to seek the worst in others, you’ll be less inclined to waste energy trying to
convince them otherwise.
Be wise in your response, knowing that rumors may run
sprints, but character finishes the marathon. When you focus on the bigger
picture, you'll realize that this too shall pass. You will be rewarded in the
end for how much peace you maintained and for your efforts to end things on a
positive note.
Remember, the goal is to maintain peace and healthy
communication. Sometimes, healthy communication involves silence. Silence
doesn't imply wrongdoing—it often reflects a commitment to peace and avoiding
unnecessary conflict, even in the face of false statements or allegations. It
emphasizes the importance of patience, understanding, and respect in fostering
meaningful, constructive interactions. Silence can also be a powerful tool for
preserving the dignity of both parties, allowing you to rise above attempts to
drag you into toxicity. It can lead to closure, as some things are better left
unsaid, especially when truth speaks for itself over time.
Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Confidence:
Regardless of what led to a breakdown in the relationship
it's important for one to focus on rebuilding their self-esteem and confidence.
This may look like learning new skills, taking on more responsibility, getting
more involved in your community, spending more time with family and friends,
and most importantly focusing on your relationship with God.
Learning new skills, especially highly desired skills will
lead to new network connections, new opportunities, new environments. It's a
chance to rediscover your worth and the ability to make an impact. Naturally
this will lead to more responsibility and more community involvement. From
this, new friendships will develop, and your understanding will deepen. You’ll
learn new perspectives that will improve your ability to discern if someone
embodies the same set of core values you hold dear.
The time you spend with family and friends will help you to
refocus on the people who love you. Their advice can be a valuable tool for
personal development providing clarity and insight. Focusing on your
relationship with God, will help you rediscover your destiny. Your destiny is
where your peace is. That's why the enemy comes to kill still and destroy -
he's not after your money he's after your destiny. Your destiny is where the
Good Life is found. On the journey of your destiny, you will go through trials
and temptations, you will experience heartbreak, but you will reach the
Promised Land. It’s on the other side.
Reconnect with God so you don’t loose your way. Reconnect
with God so you find out His opinion of you. It is when you reconnect with God
you gain a stronger confidence.
Allow God to heal you and re-align you to your destiny so
that He can send you your destiny helper -your helpmate. You'll find when you
allow God to align you with those who share your same values, you will be a
blessing to them in as much they’ll be a blessing to you.
Preparing for Future Relationships:
You can’t build something new if you don’t first understand
what caused the old to fall apart. Recognizing what worked and what didn’t in
past relationships is crucial. It’s like building a house—you wouldn’t use the
same materials that failed the first time. True growth comes from learning
those lessons and choosing a stronger foundation for the future.
In other words, don’t enter a new relationship relying
solely on the knowledge gained from past relationships. Every relationship
involves two unique individuals, and no two people are the same. Focus on
understanding the new person and, from that understanding, determine if you can
build a solid foundation together. This doesn’t mean disregarding the lessons
you’ve learned—it means approaching the new relationship without biases. See
the person for who they are and how they align with your values.
If there’s compatibility and shared values, create a
foundation based on how both of you intend to express those values. Establish
clear expectations and standards that reflect this alignment, and foster open,
positive communication. Building on these shared principles will create healthy
relationship patterns, helping you avoid the same mistakes that may have
occurred in past relationships.
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